and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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