He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
