He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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