im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
