did you get engaged???
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
