Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
