Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
