im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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