i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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