I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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