I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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