From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
