we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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