would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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