ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
