she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
