i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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