She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
