dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
