john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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