please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So many bounce houses so little time
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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