I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
