so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
