If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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