I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
