She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
