Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
