I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
