seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just invented taco cereal.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
