She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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