I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
