Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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