he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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