God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
