I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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