So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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