You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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