I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
