When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
