I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
