You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You are the jesus of drinking
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
