Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
