who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
