Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
