we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
