All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
