i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
