Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
