420 ftw
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
