I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
