can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
